Zack’s Story
I grew up in Bakersfield, the early part of my life was pretty good. Many of the men on my mom’s side of the family were preachers. So, I was always surrounded by the Word growing up and was involved in Sunday school. My grandpa was a big influence in my life, he was a big role model. He was a decent mechanic and I remember going to work with him on the weekends.
I was really bad at school. It wasn’t that I acted up or acted out, I was not very stimulated with class, I would have been much happier being at work with my grandpa. I learned way more from time spent with him than I did in a classroom setting. When it came to social settings, I never really fit in. I didn’t know how to make friends.
My grandpa was hit by a drunk driver and passed away when I was about 14. Ever since then I kind of went downhill. This did a number on everybody in my family and we quit going to church. A lot of my problems manifested then. I stopped going to school. I finally got a little taste of the social experience; I had friends, which I admit were not the greatest friends to be around. So, I was around drugs and alcohol, I was committing crimes and doing some other stuff I shouldn’t have been doing. What I know now that I didn’t realize at the time was that drugs and alcohol were just symptoms of something way deeper. For a long time I really believed that I could do everything on my own.
About six years of my early 20’s was spent going in and out of jail and prison. Those were important years where I should’ve been hitting some milestones in life; having a career, a home, and a family, but because of jail and prison that didn’t happen.
After jail and prison, I was homeless; living on the streets, pushing a shopping cart, sleeping wherever I could, dependent on whichever substance was going to make life better, even though it wasn’t really going to. I got to a point where, for a year, I felt like God was inviting me over and over to make a change; to give up trying to do things on my own. There were many things that happened which culminated into literally having nothing and nowhere to go and I just finally broke down.
One night, in the middle of the night, I had some people after me. The only place I could think to go was the emergency room. I remember praying that night thinking I couldn’t keep doing this. If I did something bad was going to happen. So I asked God to help me this last time and in turn I’d let Him have His way.
I went into the emergency room and, with complete honesty, told the nurses what was going on. When morning rolled around I came to Visalia Rescue Mission. I had seen the change in a few of my friends’ lives. One of my best friends came through the program and you could see the light in his face again. I found myself getting jealous of that and it really was starting to wear on me. I was miserable. What I was doing wasn't working anymore, so I had to do something different, completely different.
I was supposed to meet with Bobby, the Men’s Life Change Academy Supervisor, and he was gone for the day. They told me I was going to have to come back and I remember I was so crushed, I was almost in tears. I was afraid that if they didn’t put me in the program right then and there I might not make it back. I went into the safe room for three or four days and got sobered up, got the drugs out of my system and they went ahead and moved me into the first quarter.
Things were different this time around. I’d decided that no matter what I was going to do it without complaint. I had completely surrendered control of my life to God. I was going to let Him run the show. I feel so different now than I did a year ago, so changed, and I just don’t see how it’s possible. Only God.
I wanted things to work my way and that’s just not how it works. I pushed Him out for the longest time and that’s not what He wanted. As I’ve trusted Him to provide for my needs, He’s has. I’ve been able to find myself and my identity in Christ. That’s the biggest change that’s taken place for me in this program.
My hope and ambition is to keep trusting God and stay faithful in knowing that He’s going to look out for me. Jesus Christ means everything in my life. He’s real, He’s there, if you let Him in. He’s a friend, not just some guy in the Bible. He’s real and he cares for us!