Meet Samantha
I had been clean for four years when I relapsed. My kids and I were bouncing around from place to place, because I had lost our home. I was depressed and I felt like my life was at an all-time low, so I would get high on drugs. We were living with a family member whose home was a mess. It was a really bad situation. I would have to buy food day by day because there was no refrigerator. When CPS came knocking, we hid inside and were quiet. I knew if I opened that door, they would take my children. I had to get clean.
I went into hiding and I detoxed on my own. It was the worst thing ever. The first time I got clean it was hard, but the second time it was so bad. I felt it in my head, in my body all over. I still had to get up each day and be mom, I couldn’t rest. All these emotions came back, like what have I done? Why did I throw away four years of being sober? For what? Look where I am. I put my foot down though; I couldn’t let CPS take my kids again. I do not look down on anyone who is in addiction. I still deal with my demons every day. You have to want to get clean and take the help provided. All anyone can do is encourage and offer words of wisdom and move on.
I knew I needed to get to the shelter once I was clean. I was scared, really scared. I was not sure what to expect. I had actually heard horror stories about shelters. When I got there, I realized there was no reason to be scared. The people at Shelter of Hope were so wonderful, they were welcoming and giving. My kids and I could be together. They gave me a chance to make a better life for all of us. It was hard to live with a bunch of women and different families; don’t get me wrong. However, I wanted the better life, so I ignored the ones I needed to and I moved passed the issues. The rules were hard, but I knew anywhere I would go there would be rules. They have the rules for a reason.
The first day I was at the Shelter, they gave me shoes; I didn’t have any on my feet when I got there. They gave my children clothes and underwear. The staff reassured me that it was all going to be ok. I remember them taking us up to our room where we would be sleeping. I remember Ronnie, a staff member coming up to check on us and telling us about dinner and chapel. She showed us where the showers were so we could clean up. We went to bed early that night, because we were all so tired. In the morning, bright and early, the staff woke us all up. I had to get my chores done, clean my cubicle and gather all of our bedding. It was a struggle to follow all the rules with the kids having to be right there with me the whole time, and that is why some people come and go, but I understood why things had to be that way.
God does not give me anything that I cannot handle. He has been with me through it all. He has wrapped his arms around me and has guided me through these trials I have been going through. I knew he was there with me every single day. My kids and I started going to church. We were attending Journey while I was staying in Visalia. My seven-year-old daughter can be a bit out of control, but when she is at church she actually sits and listens. I think it is like God told her you are not going to be out of control, not in my house. We are currently looking for a new church since we moved out of Visalia.
If I hadn’t come to the Shelter of Hope at the Visalia Rescue Mission, I would probably be fighting to get my kids back. I think I probably would still be strung out on drugs. I am now in my own place. I have all four of my children with me. We have car. I have been hired by the City of Visalia to remove graffiti. I am just waiting on my background to clear so I can start my job. Angela, a counselor with the Visalia Rescue Mission, referred me to the ECO Program. They allowed me to work in the city yard picking up trash, and they helped me save money so I could buy a car. I bought my car at Mission Motors, which is part of Visalia Rescue Mission. It fits my kids perfect and it helps me get where I need to go.
Working with the ECO program has been an amazing experience in my life. I get to clean up our hometown, our community, the place I where I grew up. The mission is awesome. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for the mission. If I could tell someone struggling with the decision to come to the shelter one thing, I would tell them not to be scared. If you need housing or help with anything, get to the mission. They are going to help you and they will treat you like a human being. They are not going to make you feel like you are nothing.